Squalo's Night Out
by Biscuit15
Summary: During a night out with his friends, Squalo can't help but feel depressed upon finding out that even Levi can get picked up when Squalo can't. Questioning what makes the resident stalker better than him, Squalo can't say the answer he receives makes him feel any better. One-shot, crack.


**This was originally meant to be for one of my stories, but I couldn't fit it in anywhere without completely going off track. So it's just a standalone now.**

"You shouldn't drink so much, Squalo; it's not healthy for you." Dino frowned as he watched his best friend down another glass of wine, knowing the younger was stressed – but really, couldn't he deal with his stress in a more positive manner?

Squalo grumbled as he slammed his glass down onto the table, glaring at the hordes of people surrounding their table as they danced to the music of the nightclub. "Fucking little shit he is… Stresses me to no end!"

"You know I'll take Bel for a few days if you need me to," Dino promised, speaking in as gentle a tone he could muster; the silver-haired man was only too easy to agitate, and in this situation, he would be more irritable than usual. "Just tell me when to expect him and he can stay with me."

Squalo muttered something incomprehensible before he looked up, finding two women approaching their table. Narrowing his eyes, he spoke in a tone thick with dislike. "Fucking sluts…"

The blond frowned at the other's attitude, shushing his friend before the newcomers overheard. The two women did indeed approach their table, but while they both greeted Dino and Lussuria joyfully, they ignored Squalo completely before turning to Xanxus.

"Hey, big boy; looking for a good time tonight?"

Squalo tightened his grip on his wine glass as Xanxus stood up and left the table without a word, the long-haired man chewing at his lip in distress. With a now-shaking hand, Squalo raised his glass and quickly gulped down more wine in an attempt to forget the most recent events.

"Please make sure my friend gets home safely tonight." Dino was as charming as ever as he addressed the women before turning his attention back to Squalo. Smiling shyly, the English teacher patted his friend's knee. "There, there, Squalo; you'll find someone one day."

"Why does _he _always get picked up but _I _never do?" Squalo's tone grew louder, his agitation quickly building; he hated coming out with Xanxus because it was guaranteed that the raven-haired man would be leaving with a woman or four, and Squalo would be forced to walk home by himself.

"It's because you always look so angry and pissed off, hon~" Lussuria smiled, reaching out to curl silver locks around his finger. "If you let yourself look more approachable, all the woman would flock to you~ If it makes you feel any better, I would let you fuck me and vice versa~"

"Fuck off, fag!" Squalo thumped the table with his fists before turning back to Dino. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been laid, Bucking Horse?"

"Ah… I'm not sure I really want to know, Squalo…"

Ignoring these words, Squalo continued on. "Bel fucking scares everyone off, so I resort to my fucking hand and more often than not I can't even find the time, let alone finish, because the creepy little shit follows me everywhere and hides in weird places so he can watch! Can't even close the fucking bedroom door without having to check for him under my bed or in my closet! I'm gonna fucking kill him one of these days!"

"As I said, I will look after him so you can have time to yourself." Trying to erase the images Squalo had created in his mind, Dino shook his head. "Any time you need me, Squalo; it's never a problem."

"Might fucking take you up on that offer… Might actually get to watch some fucking porn for once…"

"Ohoho~ Tell me more, dear~" Lussuria rubbed his hands together, about to speak again before a man came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

Squalo made an agitated sound as Lussuria stood up and blew them both kisses in farewell, drowning another three glasses of wine before he turned to Dino in disbelief. "Can you fucking believe this?! Even the fag gets picked up!"

"Yes, but –"

"Fucking _Levi, _too?!" People turned to stare as Squalo's shout drowned out the blaring music. The long-haired man swiped his glass to the floor before he grabbed the jug of wine, raising it to his lips and sculling it as fast as he could.

Dino just laughed nervously, not sure what to say to everyone. "Umm, Squalo…? Maybe we should go home now… I'm sure you've had enough to drink."

"Fuck off!" Dropping the now empty jug to the table, Squalo let his face fall onto the hardwood as well, a deep wave of depression wafting about him. Lifting his head so that his dark eyes could only just be seen, he muttered, "You're a fag, too, Bucking Horse; why aren't I getting picked up?"

"Ahaha… I guess I kind of agree with Lussuria on this one…" Rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, Dino laughed nervously again. "You're scaring all the girls off because you're being yourself… So I guess… _don't_ be yourself…?"

Squalo dropped his face again, the depression suffocating.


End file.
